Sarah: Finding her Way

Sarah Margaret Ferguson, Duchess of York, Fergie, the once (and future?) wife of Prince Andrew, Duke of York, mother of Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie, author, television personality, spokesperson for Weight Watches, Wedgewood China, supporter of children through her charities Children in Crisis (U.K.) and Chances for Children (U.S.) and celebrity royal. In the press she has gone from being called refreshing to vulgar. From a delightful young woman with a hearty sense of humor to being nicknamed "Freebie Fergie". She started her public life being called a healthy, robust, outdoorsy woman and then was cruelly dubbed the "Duchess of Pork". It is a life lived in extremes. In Sarah Ferguson’s life there seems to be no in between – yet.

Neither does there seem to be evidence of the real Sarah. For after all these years it appears she is still searching for the inner peace that people who are really comfortable in their own skin, in their own circumstances, in their own lives attain. Her searches have taken her to faith healers that notoriously had her sitting under pyramids, to astrologers whose predictions were splashed - along with ridiculing comments - across the front pages of many tabloids. Her journey seems to also have included some ill chosen lovers and ill-fated love affairs. Interviews taken as few as six months apart seem to reveal the evolution of an entirely different personality. And as far as her troublesome royal connections go, as one palace courtier put it, she’s never learned to play the game.

Will she ever find the peace she is looking for? What is it about her that we find so fascinating? Will she ever remarry Prince Andrew? I believe if she stays the course, she will find inner peace. Lately, I see a woman who is confidently accepting herself as the whole package – the good, the flawed, the human being. She seems to have found true fulfillment in the rearing of her daughters. She has done a commendable job in consciously deciding how to raise them and is following through beautifully. She has also found employment that she enjoys and a balance that helps her to be a solid supporter to her charities whilst finding time to take care of herself.

I think people are fascinated with her because of her connection to the royal family and her unorthodox home life. Let’s face it, few of us could imagine living platonically with our former spouses post divorce. (And there is always the little tinge of "is it really platonic or is there a passion that is hidden from the public".) It is not at all a common arrangement and adds to the unreal aura of the Duchess. On the other hand, she has earned our respect by diligently working to reduce and finally eliminate her overwhelming debt. We felt a part of it as we watched anxiously from the wings cheering her on, admiring her stamina and hoping she would make it to a zero balance sheet. She didn’t let us down. She also carries on a mysterious relationship with Count Gaddo della Gherardesca, an Italian millionaire. He spoke publicly for the first time about their relationship after Prince Andrew’s statement regarding his not ruling out getting back together with his ex-wife. What the Count had to say was equally mysterious. He claimed that he was very close to her, that she confided everything in him and that she had never mentioned anything about remarrying her former husband.

Do I believe it would be a good idea for her to get back together with Prince Andrew at this time? Absolutely not, as a matter of fact, I think it would spell disaster for not only Sarah, but for her children and the House of Windsor as well. For though she also has done a tremendous job of finding balance in her life, I don’t think she is 100% secure in herself yet. In my opinion putting herself back into the position of wife of the fourth in line to the throne would throw her completely off the path she has worked so hard to forge. How? I believe the same love hate relationship with the press would resume. At first, it would be ‘welcome back we have so much respect for the way you’ve turned your life around’ and then it would be picking apart her every move – and she’d give them plenty. For all she has conquered she cannot seem to conquer being a member of the royal family.

For example, she has been reported as being annoyed by her former father in law in what is described as an almost vendetta against her as recently as this month’s "In Style" magazine. "At the moment the Duke of Edinburgh says, ‘Never will that woman remarry my son’." A similar quote was given to "The Times" around her 40^th birthday (last year) and was requoted in "Majesty" magazine soon there after. This quote was directed at both the Duke and his eldest son, Prince Charles. "The Duke of Edinburgh does not need me. The Prince of Wales does not need me. They think I’m pointless, therefore why should they make the effort." The Palace’s response, "It is regurgitating stuff that has been in the public domain for years. It’s old hat."

She has yet to absorb the valuable lesson that Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother learned upon her first interview as the betrothed to the second in line to the throne, the future George VI. She learned that they can’t quote what you don’t say. They can speculate, they can assume, they can even project but they can’t use your words if you never speak them. With all the coverage of the Queen Mother this year, how many quotes did we see? Outside of her "Official" speeches, not many – and that’s after nearly 80 years in the family! Her daughter, the Queen, and granddaughter, the Princess Royal, seem to have this lesson down as well. Another lesson can be learned from the Queen Mother and Princess Diana who mastered making a statement with a visual language. How well we remember the "news reel" footage of Queen Elizabeth the Queen mother and her family walking through the park with two of their Corgis. It was the picture of domestic bliss. She never said "We are happy" - she let the pictures speak for her. Who can forget the picture of the forlorn Princess of Wales sitting alone on a bench in front of the Taj Majal, one of the world’s foremost symbols of love? These pictures started and have kept tongues wagging to this day. (Admittedly, Sarah’s "toe sucking" photos had the same tongue wagging effect - though in a negative way.) Sarah would do well to learn these lessons. I believe once she enters that wonderful place of being comfortable with who she is these lessons will come quite naturally to her. Until then I worry that she may find herself in the sad position, having been beaten down by the palace and the press a second time, of having no way to rise above the fray during her own lifetime. That would be a real tragedy.

To Sarah I offer this trite though true phrase, ‘You’ve come a long way to get where you’ve got to today’. Bear that in mind. Keep focusing on yourself, your children and your career and everything else will fall into place. Remember, once you are divorced your in-laws become your out-laws so don’t be in such a hurry to challenge them to a duel. Duels only end when one person is dead. With all the centuries of experience your out-laws have dealing with intrigue they have the advantage – not to mention the firepower of the palace machine. I predict that by staying on course, in time, your confidence and newfound maturity will create a force field that will render their weapons useless. Good luck – we’re still rooting for you!

This week’s mailbag was like no other to date. I received several letters on previous columns and some suggestions on what people would like to see me write about in the future. Suggestions for columns about: What is the surname of the current members of the House of Windsor and how did they get it? What rules are there for the marriages within the House of Windsor? Describe some scenarios regarding the succession to the throne. What about royal pets, could you share some anecdotes? Please write more about the Duke and Duchess of Windsor as I find them fascinating. These are all very interesting suggestions and I thank you for them.

Well, I’ve been researching two of the ideas above but you’ll have to click back next week to find out which one I will publish first. ;-)

All the best,