Parenting an Heir and a Spare

Looking back on the history of the Royal Childhood's of the past century's House of Windsor Monarchs, we see that Princes William and Harry have really had the most normal childhoods. Though, I dare say, they could never be considered normal in the true sense that the average citizen knows childhood. If we compare it also to the instability suffered by the Prince's mother, Diana, Princess of Wales, it is all the more normal. The thing I find the most amazing about the way the Princes were parented is the difference between how their parents used their childhood experiences in dealing with their sons' upbringing.

Prince Charles earliest days of childhood were similar to that of his mother, the current Queen Elizabeth. He slept in a nursery that he shared with his Nanny whom he called Nana. His mother shared a nursery with her Nanny whom she called Alah. Both were dressed and brought to see their parents promptly at 9:00 a.m. daily. Queen Elizabeth's parents were the TRH the Duke and Duchess of York when she was born, so this routine was quite stable with the exception of TRH six month tour of Australia in 1927, which left a young Princess Elizabeth home alone with Alah. This changed when she was ten years old and her father ascended to the throne, as her parent's duty to country, which was always ahead of duty to family, turned into a full time commitment. Charles had only one year of such routine. His parents were called upon to take over many responsibilities from the now ailing George VI and the Edinburgh's (as they were known at this time) spent a good deal of time away from home and family. Princess Diana was the first Windsor parent to insist on taking her son with her on tour, refusing to leave Prince William home with Nanny Barnes while they toured Australia. The logistics of the trip were said to be a nightmare, as the city they may have been visiting in the morning would not be the city they would have dinner in that evening. It was a bold break from tradition driven by a woman who'd grown up feeling distant from her parents. We watched ever more enamored by the fairy tale Prince and Princess who valued family life and wanted to find a place for it among their duty.

Princess Diana grew up in a world of privilege as well. She felt that too much of her time was spent with Nanny's and not enough with her parents. She felt abandoned after her parent's divorce and vowed she would never let her children suffer, not feeling loved. She was the first tactile parent in the Windsor family as well. We note the comfort her children felt around her and the warm greetings they shared when they were reunited after a brief separation. There is the famous Jane Fincher photograph of Diana greeting her boys whom she'd sent for during a visit to Canada. It is said that she kept a copy of it in her apartment at Kensington Palace. This is a far cry from Charles shaking hands with his mother upon her return from a six-month tour of the Commonwealth in 1953. Remarking on her children's behavior upon her return, the young Queen was reported to have said the children, 'were terribly polite. I don't think they really knew who we were'.

Diana made us all aware of the letters "PDA" for Public Displays of Affection, which she was known to bestow upon her husband in the earlier days of their marriage, and her children for all of her life. She would hold their hands, hug them, tousle their hair and put her hand on their shoulders. We would often catch glimpses of them sitting on her lap, being carried or as they grew older, just leaning against her. This was another break of protocol. Diana cared only that her boys were comfortable with themselves. She wanted to ensure that they were well grounded drawing strength from their mother's unconditional love that was always close at hand. We will never forget the watchful eye she kept when the prying eye of the camera was upon them. She wanted them to respect the role they were born into, but also to live lives that were fulfilling to them personally. As Prince Charles and some of his ancestors have found, it can be a long wait for your turn on the throne to finally arrive.

It was Princess Diana who chose the schools William and Harry attended - and Harry attends today. At Mrs. Mynor's nursery school, William and Harry's first foray into regular mingling with the public, it is widely reported that they fit in well after their initial adjustment. It is also said that William once threatened another student with all the Queen's horses and all the Queen's men - his Grannies! Diana certainly knew her boy's lives were not ordinary. They were the only children in school to have detectives with them at all times or the Royal Cavalcade to escort them to and from the palace where they resided. I'm sure neither of them ever tagged along to a school chum's house for an afternoon play date. She wanted them to learn about living by living among people - not in a palace where everyone jumps when they utter a syllable. She wanted them to receive a good education to provide them with the basic tools for survival in life. No matter what the future may hold she worked hard to ensure William and Harry have a solid foundation that will allow them to navigate it.

Charles, it is said, was the loser of all the battles with the children. He lost the battle to bring back his old Nanny to tend to William; he lost the battle of the Australian Tour. (It is said he was particularly worried about how William would fare in the days they spent in the Outback.) He lost all the battles about their education. Diana chose their son's schools. Diana's negative feelings about her childhood drove her to focus completely on giving her son's a stable upbringing. No detail of their life escaped her notice. Charles on the other hand didn't like his childhood, but felt that it did keep with royal tradition and therefore he fully expected to raise his sons as he was raised. He leant towards the duty ingrained in him since birth when parenting his children. Diana, as in all aspects of her life, followed her heart and was unrelenting in her desire to raise her children, as she believed best. It is said this was a great source of contention in the marriage.

What do I think William and Harry got out of these two diverse approaches to their upbringing? Thanks to their mother, they both have self-confidence, the ability to show their feelings, solid education's, and the capacity to step back and see the big picture so they can choose the best path - not the "only" path. From their father, I believe they have learned a sense of duty and an appreciation for tradition. I believe that the stability of knowing they were loved unconditionally and the insight they have gained from spending so much of their time among their families subjects has given them a strong foundation. This foundation provides them with the ability to cope with the duty that plays an increasing role in their lives as they mature.

Thanks to our astute readers I have corrections to make regarding the last two columns. First, it is Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother who lived through both world wars, not her daughter Queen Elizabeth II as I noted in my column "Queen Elizabeth in Italy". Second, it was George V, Queen Elizabeth II's grandfather, not George VI, her father, who began the Christmas radio broadcasts that the current Queen now delivers via the television as I reported in the column "The Palace and the Press". So many Georges, Edwards and Elizabeth's - no editor. What's a woman to do? I'll keep counting on all of you to keep me straight as you are doing an outstanding job. I do appreciate it! I'll look forward to hearing from you soon.

As for next week, I have no idea what I'd like to write about. I'm thinking about Princess Margaret, but secretly hoping that something news worthy comes up so I can write about that. I guess we're all in for a surprise. ;-)

All the best,