The Unofficial British Royal Family Pages

Sunday 10 April 2005

Our Queen the Grump

Contrary to the title of my column, the Queen is a great lady indeed. We�ve heard nothing but praise from those who know her and see how committed she is to her role every single day. That is, her role as sovereign. But, as a mother, I know she has struggled. Assuming the throne at 25 with two small children was far from ideal � talk about working full-time. And because she has such a strong sense of duty, it�s clear that she thought putting the crown before all else was her only choice.  

However, there are many other queens who, despite their busy schedules and sacred duties, seem to have warmer relationships with their children. And I don�t mean Queen Consorts, I mean other female monarchs. Denmark�s Queen Margrethe and Dutch Queen Beatrix spring immediately to mind. Margrethe�s sons were only 3- and 4-years-old when she was crowned and Beatrix� kids were adolescents (11,12 and 13). By all accounts, the relationships between these two queens and their children are pretty much like most, with the regular ups and downs of growing up. At the very least, you haven�t seen the Dutch and Danish princes giving interviews about how distant their mothers were. And even if Prince Charles hadn�t revealed that to the public in the Dimbleby interview, you can tell that Margrethe and Beatrix are different from Elizabeth just from the pictures they have taken with their families.  

Can you picture the Queen on a skiing vacation in Austria with Prince Charles, smiling brightly as she lifted an infant Prince William in the air? This was a recent scene as Queen Beatrix did exactly that with her granddaughter Princess Amalia. Beatrix was on holiday at a ski resort with her son and daughter-in-law. One could argue that the scene was staged, but my gut tells me that it wasn�t. Other photos of the Dutch royal family seem equally as natural and warm.  

Ditto in Denmark. Every summer the Danish royal family migrates to their home in the south of France and those trips result in the most delightful photo sessions. Again, it could just be good PR, but I don�t think it�s easy to fake warmth and closeness. I don�t think I�d ever use those descriptors for any pictures I�ve seen of the Queen with her children. It�s true that fewer photo ops could speak more to the fact that Her Majesty is a private person. But we have more evidence, such as the Dimbleby interview, that the mother-child relationship is strained. And a new, more recent example reared its ugly head just in time for Charles and Camilla�s wedding.  

I�ve reviewed the press pack for Charles and Camilla�s wedding and it lists everyone who attended the civil ceremony. This part of the wedding was arguably the most important, the most intimate of the entire day. Every single one of their immediate family members attended this private ceremony, including all of Charles� siblings, nieces, nephew and cousins. Two big no-shows were the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh. I don�t care what Buckingham Palace has said about Charles and Camilla�s wish that the ceremony be low-key. The prince�s mother and father should have gone. To think that the absence of the monarch and her consort would mean so much less attention at the Guildhall is ridiculous. The attendance of every other senior member of the royal family at the civil ceremony already guaranteed larger crowds. Frankly, Prince William alone brings them in by the truckload. 

I have no idea how I would react if my son had an extra-marital affair (and I hope I never have to find out). I�m sure I would be angry and disappointed in him, as is my right as a mother. But, if the marriage was truly over, the couple divorced and my son had finally found happiness with someone, even if it was his original mistress, I�d like to think that I�d be sincerely happy and supportive of him. I know I�m na�ve and that I have no sense of the political headaches that Charles� behaviour caused for the Queen, but he should be her son first and foremost, and then her heir. For the Queen and the Duke to miss such an important moment in Prince Charles� life is hard for me to understand. My sneaking suspicion is that the Prince feels the same way � the fact that the Wales family didn�t spend Easter with the other royals at Windsor speaks volumes. That holiday is usually a command performance.  

This doesn�t bode well for the future. The Camilla question has been officially put to rest and the Queen must accept her new daughter-in-law. To mount any more resistance isn�t only hurtful, it�s absurd. Enough already.

- Stephanie