The Unofficial British Royal Family Pages

Friday 26 November 2004

What Idle and Coward Knaves

Thomas Becket, Archbishop of Canterbury, returned to his cathedral in 1170 to find his lands and property in ruins. He had been in exile in France for six years, and the deal to bring him back he knew to be only a truce between him and King Henry II. In his Christmas sermon he thundered his displeasure about the whole situation. And Henry, then in France, screamed to his troops in pure frustration, “What idle and coward knaves have I nourished as vassals, that faithless to their oaths, they suffer their lord to be mocked by a low-born priest!” Four knights took this outburst to be orders and in secret they made their way back to England and murdered Becket. This was not what Henry wanted at all for his former best friend, and the aftermath caused Henry enormous grief and a whole lot of trouble. 

These four acted out of blind loyalty to their king but they failed to improve his lot. Ever since the days of the Saxon kings every successive English monarch has had to contend with their own version of conniving barons, power-hungry nobles, uncooperative clergy, defiant politicians, over-eager heirs, illegitimate children and grasping, scheming mistresses. Not much has changed. 

Take for example the incident earlier this month that concerned a wedding between Prince Charles’ godson Edward van Cutsem and Lady Tamara Grosvenor, daughter of the Duke of Westminster. The Queen, Prince Philip and Charles were guests, and William and Harry, close friends of the groom, were ushers. Mrs. PB was also invited. It was to be the society wedding of the year, and everything was going to be perfect. Ah, but wait…. 

The UK press all trumpeted that Charles refused to go because his precious mistress didn’t appreciate the Bishop of Chester insisting she be seated so far away from the Royal Family, when she figured she deserved to be seated beside Charles. And it also wouldn’t surprise the Jester to find that this just another tawdry episode in the ongoing feud between Mrs. van Cutsem and the women in Charles’ life. 

It seems Diana had distrusted Emilie van Cutsem’s motives when she perceived her to be trying to become a major influence in her sons’ lives after Charles got custody of them. But Emilie, the wife of one of Charles’ oldest friends going back to their Cambridge days, also seems to have infringed on what CPB considered to be her territory too. After Diana died and she claimed full reign over Charles, it’s probable that CPB then set about putting Mrs. van C. in her place over the latter’s criticism of her son Tom as a bad influence on the young Princes. 

The power struggle has trailed on over the years. Emilie’s latest strike was by rightly agreeing with the Bishop’s edict that as CPB has no official status she could not be seated anywhere near Charles or the Queen. Mrs. PB accepted the challenge. What better way to get revenge for this unforgivable slight to her exalted personage than to rain on her enemy’s parade? The seating was just the excuse she needed. As the one true boss of Charles she decided to make sure he didn’t go if she wasn’t going. And she succeeded. The wedding went ahead and nobody missed her, but they did miss Charles. And it was Charles whom the media worked over the coals and the public ridiculed. The girls may have played to a tie this round, but it was Charles who lost. 

In the first year of Henry V’s reign, he had to put down a rising led by his former friend Sir John Oldcastle, who had just escaped from the Tower. 

The clique who dominated Henry VI picked his wife Margaret of Anjou for him because she was the exact opposite of him in her nature-fiery, tempestuous and wilful, and ever grateful to them. 

Edward V became king in his minority and had for his Protector one Richard of Gloucester. Richard, of royal blood, decided he wanted to be undisputed king, so the uncrowned child-king Edward and his little brother Richard Duke of York ended up murdered in the Tower in 1483. 

Mary I, the first of the Tudor Queens, agreed to a marriage with Philip of Spain to ensure the Catholic succession. Philip needed England to further his plans for the Continent. He started a war with France and lost Mary Calais, a huge blow to her prestige. In her five-year reign Bloody Mary lost a husband she loved (not mutual), a war and the Catholic cause in England, too. 

James I’s favourite Robert Carr was tricked into marrying the grandniece of the Earl of Northampton, but as she poisoned a man who was against this arrangement, it was all James could do to keep her, and his innocent Robert, from a date with the executioner’s axe. 

Sarah Churchill, Duchess of Marlborough, and William IV’s sister-in-law Anne had been the closest of friends since childhood. But Sarah failed to realize that once Anne was queen on William’s death in 1702 (to ensure a Protestant stayed on the throne), they were no longer equals. When Anne took in her cousin as a new favourite, Sarah’s jealousy drove her to insults and plots that got so ugly Anne eventually had to dismiss her from Court.  

A monarch may be outwardly beset from all sides, but more often than not it was the ones right under their noses, those claiming faithful devotion and love, those they believed they could trust the most, who ended up doing them the greatest harm. Today, for the sake of two silly women’s ridiculous game of one-upmanship Charles’ long-time friendships with van Cutsem and the Duke are in peril; at the very least there will now be an undercurrent of strain and resentment amongst the families that was never there before. 

This unimpressed knave cries, “Off with their heads!”

Anon,

- The Court Jester